Episode 14: I'm Still Here

Hi everyone, I hope youre all well. This is a candid and personal episode where I explain why I've been taking a bit of an unintended pause recently. I thank you for your support and understanding as always.

With love,

Helen xxx

If you have any comments, questions or anything you would like to hear about related to this podcast, I'd love to hear from you.

Please feel free to message me on Instagram or email me here: info@shraddhayayoga.co.uk

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Or why not find out how we can work together with Yoga & meditation classes, courses and 1:1 coaching here: https://www.shraddhayayoga.co.uk/

With love and light,

Helen xxx

Transcript

0:20

Explore with me and practice. Can we help you and elevates? Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in the cover with the animal practice. Explore connections, ability, and landscape. With the help of special bats, delayed meditations, how to do that as the incredible power. Hi everyone, and welcome, welcome to the podcast. Now, full disclosure, I know I have been absent for a few weeks. I apologize. And I'm just going to be really real and honest here. Um, I've re-recorded this a couple of times. There's some guilt, there's a little bit of shame going on for not having turned up. Um but to be honest, there's just been a lot going on in my personal life. So much has happened in the last year or so, and I thought I was in a place, and actually I wasn't quite there, a place of healing, and I needed to pause without really knowing that I needed to pause. And although life has carried on with all my usual classes, and there are some really exciting things going on, building a new little community. That's Bertie's just walking across the room. Building a new little local community with classes and kirtan and Katia and I are putting on our first yoga retreat next June. So save the date if you'd like to join us in the Lake District. It's women's only, it's going to be on the weekend of the summer solstice, it's going to be absolutely beautiful, a sacred pause. Um, so so many good things are happening, so many positives, but I'm also absolutely drained, I'm really drained, and mentally and emotionally, I'm processing a huge amount. Um as some of you know, my partner and I decided to separate last year, and we've done it in the kindest, most supportive way that we could, and I'm really proud of that. But everyone heals at different paces and does things in their own way, and recently I've needed to go within, you know, have a little break. And I'll be honest, when there's a lot going on for me, I find it hard to arrive into this space because I always want to be here as authentically as possible. I if you know me, you'll know that I don't fake anything, it's actually impossible, really. Um, my face shows everything, my tone of voice shows everything. If I'm pissed off with you, if I'm upset, you'll know about it. Um, it's actually one of the things I like about myself, but it does mean that when you are your business, it can impact you. And luckily, as a yoga teacher and with beautiful clients, you build strong connections very, very quickly, intimate connections, and I've had so much support from my friends, clients that have become friends, and just my clients just being really really supportive. And as you all know, yoga is my North Star. Um, I don't do 50 sun salutations a day, but I practice yoga every day as much as I can, perfectly, imperfectly, and it's my guiding light, it really is. So, apologies for not being here, and last week I was meant to have my lovely friend Ellie Cairns coming on, and right at the last minute she messaged me to say that she just got her son's sickness book, so she literally was over the toilet, bless her. Um, so we didn't get to record the episode, which is a shame because we've been wanting to do that for so long, but I will get her on because it will be a really, really good episode. So, how are you doing? How are you? I wonder if you're a bit like me. We've got this fire horse year energy, and I've I I've talked about it before, and here I know, but I've really, really felt it. I know some people don't believe in this astrology, but I every year I get older, I feel it more and more, and I feel more and more in tune with it. I feel those energies, and so, like I said, there's lots of positive things happening. I feel more driven, more ambitious, more creative. I feel more get up and go than I have done in the last five years, maybe, which is fantastic, and alongside that, I feel more confident, more me, more give no fucks, you know. As we get older, that's such a beautiful thing that happens, and I am welcoming that, you know, just just do the thing because in the past I haven't, in the past, I've kept myself in that place of feeling small, and that can creep back when I'm feeling low or vulnerable, not quite myself, when I feel that sense of unworthiness which we all feel at different times, periods in our lives, some of us more than others. But there is this really strong energy of go, go, do it, do it, which I'm actually loving, and it's really healthy for me. But on the other side, there is also this need to pause and process, which I've been feeling these last few weeks, to be, you know, really inward and to really rediscover myself in a different way. And I think throughout life that that's what we're all continuously doing, because everything changes all the time, as we know. Everything changes all the time almost minute by minute, hour by hour. And if we ever think that we have a certain amount of stability, really we're just kidding ourselves. As human beings, we do like stability, routine, safety, of course. And we can create that and recreate that. I think it's really important to remember that everything changes, we change all the time. I've changed so much in even the last few years. And I think it's really important to remember, as cliche as it sounds, that we can also reinvent ourselves whenever we need and want to. We can start again and again and again and again. There's no finite finite amount of starting over that we can do. There's no rule books rule books to it. And I think once we're reminded of our inner strength, it just grows. We can do difficult things, we can face our shadows, we can go into the dark, open the door, walk forward into the blind depth of dark, and survive it all. See it all, feel it all, survive it all. And really that's the only option in order to move forward, to move up and out, we first have to go down and in. My teacher, Carolyn Cowan, says that we have to go down into the dark to mine for our own gold. The gold is our gift. The gift that we have after we've been through hard things and we've found our strength, our resilience. And I love that. I remember as part of her teacher training, she did this beautiful guided meditation visualization, which they always work very powerfully on me. I'm a very visual person. Where you're guided into the lower triangle of your body and the darker spaces, spaces associated with shame, survival, guilt. And she invites you to go down, down, down into the dark cave of yourself and to look around for gold. And she taught it in such a way that was so powerful that I was sobbing when I found my gold. It was really very powerful. So I felt a bit embarrassed coming on here today to say I'm sorry I haven't been here for a few episodes, a few weeks. Maybe you've been wondering what's happened, where's she gone? But I've just been pausing. I'm still here. I still love doing this podcast. It's quite a lot of work, it's me on my own. But next week, the lovely Garima, the amazing Garima Pandi, our Ayurvedic doctor and uh functional medicine practitioner, fellow yogi. She is coming on next Tuesday. We're gonna record an episode again, and I am really excited for that because I just love talking to Garima. And another exciting thing that's happened is that I've released my hold yourself yoga program, which is a one-to-one yoga program online, and the ladies that have joined so far are already experiencing so much benefit. Um, I'll be talking more about this in another episode. So here we are, we carry on, we find our gold, we move forward, we pause when we need to, and then we keep going. And I have to say, I'm so grateful for all of you here for tuning in, for listening. And if you do want to support me, a review is the best way to do that. I don't have any sponsors or anything, I do all the editing myself. And yeah, to support me would be amazing just to leave a little review, whatever platform you listen to. And I'll be back next week. And I'll keep showing up. And my intention is to keep showing up, even if I need to pause, and when I pause again, I will tell you I won't hide it from you this time. So, in the meantime, have a beautiful rest of your day. Thank you for your patience, and I'll see you next time. Thank you so much for listening to the Be Still and Notice podcast. I really hope you enjoyed this episode, and perhaps it even added something to your life. If you know someone that might benefit, please share this episode with them, and of course, a review would be so much appreciated. Please find all the information relating to this episode, including relevant links in the show notes. And until next time, sending you so much love and light on your path to yoga.